Many words, one matter.

11 Feb

I asked him if he believe in soul mates.

We washed dishes together before closing down that Saturday night. My hands were already pruning in the warm water and my knees ached from lifting boxes of bottled soda’s up the stairs all day. He’d found a new world, and in it he’d found a happiness he’d been searching for. He’d just gotten a new job that was a far cry from mundane late nights of mopping and cleaning everything that would only be made a mess again in a few hours, by people who looked down on workers like us-working too hard for too little-just to stay afloat. It used to bother me, until he emerged from the storm of classicism, racism, and everything else that ruled the air.

I focused on my own dishes, I kept my eyes down. But my head was everywhere. In my mind I looked right at him, I stared. I knew without shifting my eyes everything aesthetic I loved about him. His hands. His posture and the way his back curved. His beautiful, beautiful skin- the skin that peeked through his unkempt beard.It’s funny how the same person you’d barely give a second thought in the past, can grow to be everything you craved. And well, what did I know? I washed dishes at night and hadn’t lived not even a quarter century yet, but all the echoes about it from the past rang through me in circles, it all felt real.

Maybe he didn’t know it then, but he was still my sanctuary and my chains. I was at once an involuntary prisoner and would still volunteer to stay consumed.

I loved the way our lips bounced off each other when we kissed. We kept kissing, truly the last one was never enough. The way he would grab my hand and make sure every finger was interlocked. The way ever hug felt like home. But home was moving, and on the outside I moved too.  He’d been filled with the joy of a new chapter in life he’d been waiting for. I knew that feeling. I knew I wanted him to smile more than I wanted him to stay. I knew that ultimately the greatest kind of love I could give him was one that was unwavering, solid and releasing.

He told me he’d stopped believing in soul mates.

That there were a lot of things he’d stopped believing in throughout his life.Then-it was back to talking about the new job.

I’m just glad he never asked “why?”

 

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